Give Yourself a Nudge Without Being Mean
Is it time to poke your head out? Photo and owl house by my husband, 2021.
Here's the main thing between you and what you want: yourself. Your insecurities, resistance, worst fears, and old stories.
Those nagging doubts are normal, and they exist to keep you safe and comfortable. The larger the perceived risk is, the louder those protective voices will be.
But you can learn to make room for those fearful parts of you and stay rooted in the truth that you will be okay. You can learn to soothe your anxious parts, make space for new perspectives, and move forward bravely—and with compassion.
This is one of the main things weekly coaching completely transformed for me. My insecurities are much quieter after being coached, and overthinking doesn’t hold me back from trying things.
I've spent months and months training and practicing to help clients make that same transformation. And it's working. My clients are making exciting changes without putting pressure on themselves. It's thrilling to witness.
Here are some examples of how you talk to yourself more kindly (and still take action) when anxious voices are holding you back:
Bargain & bribe
“I will go to this thing and talk to 3 people, but I get to leave after 1 hour and binge Schitt's Creek all night.”
“If my body feels worse after exercising for 5 minutes, I’ll stop without guilt.”
Lower the stakes
“Instead of sharing my art with strangers, I’m going to start by sharing with a few supportive friends.”
“I'll try going on one date with someone I’m not super into, just to take the pressure off and get my feet wet.”
Define your why
“I’m going to accept this job because it lights me up, not to impress everyone.”
“I’m going to this dance class because I’m following my curiosity, not because I need to be the best in the class.”
Be playful
“Yeah, I shouldn’t post this poem, because it’s probably true that everyone I know will shun me and no one will ever love me again.”
"OK, I guess thirty minutes of awkwardness is too much to handle, even though it could open the door to years of joy....”
Buddy up
“I’m scared to take this step, so I’m going to ask a friend to sit next to me on the couch when I press 'send.'”
“I want to quit, but it feels totally out of reach. I'll hire a coach so I don't have to figure it out alone."
Use your golden window
“I want to ask out a potential friend, but I’m inviting them to breakfast instead of drinks because I go to bed at 8 PM.”
“I’m going to send this brave email first thing after coffee when I feel the most awake and resilient.”
Leverage your assets
“I’m an excellent writer and queasy conversationalist, so I’m going to email a proposal instead of having a face-to-face conversation.”
“Money isn’t my strength, but I’m very social. I’ll ask around to see if anyone knows a financial advisor who could help.”
Ask yourself questions
“I’m stuck in my head, so I’ll get my coach to ask me powerful questions to unpack what I really want.”
“I have an exciting but overwhelming business idea. I’ll start by writing down all my questions and researching answers one by one.”
Give a pep talk
“I don’t know what I’m doing, but there’s only one way to learn—and it's not by sitting here.”
“Everyone is awkward and terrible their first few times. I'll get better.”
Seize the day
“I can change my mind later, but I’ll always regret it if I don’t try.”
“The discomfort of not going for it is starting to feel worse than the discomfort of trying.”
Grant permission
“I’m going to be brave and give this talk, but I have full permission to be completely mediocre.”
“If all my worst fears come true, I have permission to never, ever do this again.”
Offer compassion
“I know how scary it feels to make this change, but I’ve survived much, much worse.”
“It’s okay that I feel insecure and have major resistance, because this is a big stretch and it’s very important to me.”
With practice, you can transform from self-doubt to self-partnership.
If you want help with your own fears and resistance in real time, I would love to guide you. Schedule a coaching session to try it out!