Does Resistance Mean You Should Quit, Pause, or Keep Going?
Open road. Photo by Quinn Corte, 2025.
You’re on the road, wind in your hair. Your eyes are on the horizon. You’re trying to get somewhere: Write a book. Ask for a raise. Fall in love.
You’re being brave and taking steps. You hire someone to read your manuscript. Do salary research. Ask out someone cute. It's a grand adventure!
Then you hit a pothole.
Maybe it’s a logistical pothole like rejection. Maybe it’s a feeling like anxiety. Maybe it’s a thought like, “I'm not good enough.”
Too many potholes eventually stall you on the side of the road. You get stuck. That makes you feel worse, and it mixes into a bitter cocktail of shame, doubt, and insecurity. You ask yourself, “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just do this?”
OR maybe you never knew where you were going. You were driving along without a map, enjoying the passing scenery, hoping for a landmark to point you in the right direction. But you hit a deserted stretch of road and now you’re out of gas and directionless (and beating yourself up about it).
OR (!) maybe your destination was just to get through the day. Maybe your goal was to drop off the kids on 5 hours of sleep, make it to work before a big meeting, and acquire groceries and sanity on the way home. But now you’re crying on the side of the road with a flat tire as the ice cream and children melt down in the backseat.
You’re stalled.
What next?
Red Light: When to Quit
If what you’re doing makes you feel awful, consider stopping.
There are a handful of exceptions, but in general, please don’t keep doing things that feel awful. If you’re persisting because you think you “have to,” gently question that assumption. There are almost always options that aren’t so self-coercive.
If you want to quit, consider quitting.
Here’s where I recite that Cheryl Strayed quote that’s changed thousands of lives, “Wanting to leave is enough.” Full stop. No good reason required. Actually quitting might take some planning, time, and grieving, but acknowledge that your desire to quit is pointing you to an important truth.
Yellow Light: When to Pause
If you’re exhausted, rest.
Give yourself permission to take an intentional rest break without guilt. This might look like sleeping and vegging out. It might look like prioritizing things that feel soothing and fun. Or it might mean taking a mental break from thinking about hard things. Rest until you feel restless or curious again—even if it takes way longer than you think it should.
If you’re overwhelmed, get support.
If a driver is falling asleep or having a panic attack, they don’t keep driving. They pull over and phone a friend to pick them up. Don’t tackle overwhelm alone. Who can help you triage and tend to your needs?
If something feels “off,” reevaluate.
I’m forever on Team “It’s Okay to Change Your Mind.” Be honest with yourself:
> Do you still want this or do you think you should want it?
> Do you actually want to put in the labor, time, and sacrifices needed to get the thing you think you want?
> If you weren’t following any of the rules, how would you change your approach?
If you’re experiencing feelings or doubts, tend to them.
A fantastic, life-changing question is, “Is this a problem or an emotion?” If it’s a problem, brainstorm solutions with a partner. If it’s an emotion, let it speak and be felt before deciding whether to move forward or quit.
If you’re in a tough season of life, give yourself grace.
Sometimes pursuing a side project can be a welcome tether during a storm. Other times, it can feel like a burden when you’re already overwhelmed. Ask yourself, "Is this giving me life or draining me right now?" If you need a pause, lovingly remind your desire that you’ll come back to it.
Green Light: When to Keep Going
If you’re staying frozen and “confused” because it feels safe, give yourself a nudge.
I often hear people say they’re confused, but they’re actually hiding. Confusion is a great way to avoid admitting a scary truth to yourself. It's also a great way to stay comfortable and not make yourself vulnerable. There are times when hiding is exactly what you need, and times when hiding is holding you back. Be honest about whether you want to keep self-protecting. If not, ask, "What would make me feel safe enough to take a first step?"
If you’re trying something new and encountering resistance, that’s normal.
Resistance is part of growth. You can’t do anything new, brave, complicated, or risky without encountering many interesting flavors of inner resistance and outer obstacles. Hold your own hand, ask for a pep talk, and forge ahead.
If you’re scared because you’re about to do (or just did) something bold, keep going.
Contractions always come before and after expansions. If you’re doing something that matters to you—that feels like a calling—you will encounter fear 100% of the time. The bigger the contraction, the more it matters to you. Start to expect this uncomfortable rhythm and don’t let the fear “mean” anything except that you’re on the right track.
If you’re moving in the right direction but hit a setback, pick yourself up.
You know you want this, and you’re determined to get it. But you’ve been gut-punched by a major disappointment or obstacle. Take time to let yourself vent/rage/cry, gather support, research or crowdsource solutions, and then—like all heroes on an epic adventure—keep going, even if you’re limping at first.
If your regret will be stronger than your discomfort, consider continuing.
There are some challenges we endure because our souls tell us to keep going. Because we're here to live fully. The journey might require sacrifice and pain, but the longing and potential regret is more compelling than the desire to give up. In these situations, consider self-bribery, throwing tantrums, friend talks, and keeping your eye on the big picture to help you keep going.
Encountering resistance—like hitting a pothole—doesn't mean you did anything wrong. But it does give you valuable information and a set of choices about how to respond. Ask yourself, "What is this resistance trying to tell me?"
And a quick PSA: This is my attempt to make generalizations out of very complex, messy, and highly personal situations. As always, trust yourself over anything I say. You're the one driving this car.
Just make sure to pack snacks.
Your turn:
What endeavors or adventures have stalled for you?
Do you wish you wanted to keep going, or do you actually want to keep going?
Does the journey feel complete for you, regardless of the outcome? Or is there more to this story?