A Gentle Guide to Finding a Right-Fit Therapist

Photo by Quinn Corte.

Disclaimer: This post is intended to support your wellbeing. It is not medical, legal, or professional advice. Quinn Corte, the creator of this post, is not a therapist, nor is she a medical or mental health professional, and this post is not a substitute for professional therapy, mental health care, or medical care—nor does this post endorse or take responsibility for any of the links or resources mentioned.

If you are having suicidal thoughts, please please please reach out for help. In America, text “MHA” to 741-741 or call 1-800-273-TALK. Here are 
phone numbers for other countries. Please take care of your sweet self.

Finding a therapist can be overwhelming. 

It can feel impossible to find someone who meets your budget, insurance parameters, is accepting new patients and works with your schedule, and is a good fit for your personality and needs.

Not to mention, usually you need a therapist when you’re going through a hard time and have low capacity…and searching for a therapist just becomes an added burden.

It might help to think of your search as an investment in your care and wellbeing. You have to invest some time and energy now, but it will be worth it to have someone trusted in your corner to support your mental health and hard times.

The process can be a little daunting, so I recommend breaking it down into teeny-tiny turtle steps. “Turtle steps” are actions that are so bite-sized that they only take a few minutes and so gentle that they don’t register as overwhelming for your nervous system. I suggest focusing on only one turtle step at a time. If you do one turtle step daily-ish, you’ll have a new therapist before you know it. 

And if these turtle steps feel too overwhelming, ask a loved one to help you. Try using my magic words, “I’m having a really hard time. Do you have the capacity to help me ___?” Instead of asking for help “finding a therapist,” try making a specific, actionable request like, “call the insurance company” or “browse this site and make a short list of possibilities” or “sit next to me while I make a call.”

Above everything else (money, logistics, modalities, expectations), it’s important to find someone who helps you feel seen, heard, and supported—and who makes your body feel at ease. Trust your instincts. Notice your body’s reactions as you browse profiles, interview therapists, or have your first session. It’s important to shop around and change your mind until you find someone you connect with.


Here are gentle turtle steps for finding your right-fit therapist:

1. Just browse.
A great first step is to peruse therapists online. My therapist recommends zencare.com as a great site to start. Psychologytoday.com is another great one. You can set filters to see who shows up in your area or who takes insurance and accepts new clients. Poke around and notice what comes up for you.

2. Ask around.
Is there anyone who might know a good therapist for you? Text a couple friends. Ask a trusted doctor or practitioner. Tell them what you’re looking for. If you’re looking for a therapist for your child, try asking trusted teachers, pediatricians, or school counselor for referrals.

3. Learn your insurance coverage.
If you live in the U.S., you might save money with a therapist who’s covered in your network. It’s worth it to call your insurance company and ask a few questions. All you’re doing now is gathering info. Here’s a sample script:

      • Hi, I’m calling to learn more about my mental health coverage.

      • Is talk therapy covered under my plan?

        • What about tele-health (online) sessions?

        • Is there a limit to the number of covered sessions each year?

        • Does my therapist have to be licensed or live in a certain state to be covered?

        • Does coverage differ for licensed therapists versus psychologists or psychiatrists?

      • Do I need a referral or pre-authorization from my doctor before starting therapy?

      • What’s my copay or coinsurance for therapy sessions with an in-network provider?

      • Do I need to meet a deductible before therapy is covered? 

      • How can I find in-network therapists?

      • If I see an out-of-network therapist, will I be reimbursed?

        • At what rate?

        • What’s the reimbursement process?

      • Is there anything else helpful I should know?

4. Name what you want.
Have a cozy brainstorming session. Make a list of your search criteria with three columns: Must have / Would be nice / Don’t want. 

      • What is your monthly budget for therapy—or are you flexible for the right-fit? [Note that some therapists offer a sliding scale, and you can always ask.]

      • Do you want to see someone in-network—or are you flexible for the right fit?

      • How soon do you need to see someone?

      • What scheduling constraints do you have?

      • Do you want to have sessions in person or online or either?

      • Is there a specific type of therapy modality you want to try, or are you open?

      • Are you looking for someone who has (or doesn’t have) certain personality qualities, background, training, language skills, or areas of expertise?

5. Make a list of possibilities.
Look at therapist profiles, websites, and personal recommendations to make a “yes” and “maybe” list on the computer with links to each profile. Start by filtering for your “must have” and “would be nice” criteria along with “accepting new patients.” If that yields too few results, remove your “would be nice” filters and/or reconsider options that expand your candidate pool.
Tip: Browse one site in one sitting, then do another site another day. You won’t need to look at every site to finish your list.

Therapist directory listings (for individuals, couples, or children):

      • Psychology Today (no vetting, just a comprehensive listing of licensed practitioners)

      • Good Therapy (paid directory with rigorous vetting; robust filters for targeted searches; excellent feedback from users)

      • Your insurance provider’s search engine

Online therapy platforms:

      • Zen Care (my therapist recommends this site; vetted therapists; some scheduling and insurance support)

      • Open Path Collective (non-profit; very affordable with sliding scale options; membership-based; options for children)

      • Better Help (vetted therapists; subscription based video and text therapy; not super insurance-friendly; not for children or serious clinical concerns)

      • Alma (vetted therapists; insurance-friendly; not available in every state; online options for children)

Alternative and inclusive directories:

6. Draft an email.
Here’s a template to get you started:
Dear Jane, I’m looking for a new therapist, and your profile resonated with me. I live in ___ and need support with ___ [briefly]. I would like to work [online/in-person] with someone who is X, Y, and Z. [Share your must-haves, whether they’re related to insurance, budget, schedule, personality, location, or modality.] I’d also like to know if you…[Enter any other burning questions here.] If this sounds like a good fit and you’re accepting new patients, I’d love to have a brief consult. Many thanks. [Sign with full name, pronouns, and phone number]

7. Schedule two free consults.
If you want to try a big online therapy website like Open Path, Better Help, or Alma, they make this step easy for you. You can schedule free consults with your top two choices directly through the site. Paste the text you drafted above in the online inquiry form. 

[OR]

8. Email your top two choices.
Therapists often have waitlists and scheduling challenges, so if you don’t hear back after a week or two, or they don’t meet your criteria, send a couple more emails. I suggest interviewing at least two therapists before deciding to have a session. 

9. Prep for your conversation.
Jot down a few notes before your consult. Think of this as a (really casual) interview to see if they feel like a good fit for you.

      • What questions do you have for them?

      • Do you understand their rate, insurance process, and whether they have a sliding scale?

      • What scheduling or logistical questions do you have?

      • What brings you to therapy?

      • What are you hoping to get out of therapy?

      • What kind of support feels good to you? What doesn’t feel good?

      • What questions do you have about therapy or this person’s style?

      • What concerns or fears do you have?


10. Have your consultation(s).

Bring your notes and questions. Pay attention to how your body responds to this person during your conversation. Do you feel at ease and curious or tense and defensive? Do you need clarification about anything they say? Let them know you’re talking to a couple other people and when you will get back to them. 

11. Choose someone to work with.
Keep going down your list and having consults until you find the right-fit therapist. My long-time therapist shared that having a good relationship with your therapist is more important and has better outcomes than choosing a certain modality or any other factors. Pick someone who you can picture yourself building trust with over time.

12. Have your first session.
Think of it as a trial run at first. How do the first few sessions feel? I’ve decided after one session that it’s not a great fit, and I’ve decided after 10 sessions that it’s not a good fit. Remember, this person is providing a service and it’s okay to leave anytime if it doesn’t feel helpful.

13. Let sessions be your sacred time.
If you feel at ease and your therapist asks helpful questions, bring your full self to each session. I try to think about what I want to discuss and get out of a session before it starts, but you can also use sessions as a place to share how you’re feeling and see what happens organically. Celebrate that you invested time and intentionality to find this key relationship for yourself. May it serve you well!


If therapy isn’t in your budget, here are a few things to consider.

  • Talk to your therapist (or potential therapist) about your financial concerns. Ask if they have sliding scale options. Discuss whether meeting biweekly or monthly might work for both of you, or if they have any other suggestions.

  • Does your employer have an Employee Assistance Program that provides free, confidential sessions—or do they offer logistical support to find an in-network therapist?  

  • If you want to work with a therapist who is out-of-network, consider switching to a PPO health plan. In my experience, PPOs usually reimburse the majority of your out-of-network therapy costs after you pay the deductible. If you have an employer-sponsored health care with several options, spend some time during your open enrollment period to compare the cost difference of switching to a PPO. Call your insurance company to confirm their out-of-network therapy coverage for that plan. Even though my premium increased, I saved hundreds of dollars per year in therapy by switching to a PPO.

  • If you’re established with a therapist and they stop taking your insurance, call the insurance company and ask if there’s anything they can do. Say you want to stay with the trusted person you’ve been seeing. This happened to me, and I was delighted (and shocked) that after filling out a form called a “managed care out-of-network request,” they approved a “clinical exception of coverage,” which allowed me to get reimbursed for sessions for a year-and-a-half.  

  • Here are a few resources that offer financial assistance or sliding scale options for therapy:

Good luck, and stick with it!


 

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