How to Tell the Difference Between Desire and Fear (Soul vs. Brain)
A soulful life still has bills to pay. Photo by Quinn Corte, 2024.
My clients often start a coaching session by saying they don’t know what they want. Then, after one or two well-phrased questions, they very clearly spell out exactly what they want.
And in the same breath, they talk themselves out of it.
“I want more time to create and travel. I want to work a LOT less—like 25 hours a week—and do something meaningful that gets me out of this chair and into the world. But, I have bills to pay and working part-time is not an option. Besides, I’d maybe get bored with too much free time, and I have no idea what meaningful work I could do.”
My job as coach is to listen for the different voices.
What’s desire and what’s conditioning?
What’s a circumstance and what’s a belief?
What’s the truth and what’s fear?
Usually, I start by reflecting back what I heard. “I noticed your face light up and your voice get calm and clear when you said you wanted to work a lot less and do meaningful work. And, I also heard a harsher voice immediately shed doubts on all of that, listing several reasons you can’t have what you desire. Tell me where I’m wrong.”
In doing this, I show them the different textures between those two inner voices.
So, how can you tell what’s true desire and what’s fear or conditioning?
Here’s a quick cheat sheet:
© Quinn Corte, The Retreat Space.
It's often harder to hear our soul's voice, because the brain is so loud and demanding. And when we do know our true desires, we often suppress them because our brains find them inconvenient or impractical.
But, this dialogue and dance between your soul and brain is normal. It’s just part of being human. As you learn to tell the two voices apart and honor them both, you'll find more harmony within.
And once you know the difference, you can practice putting your soul in charge and letting your brain be copilot. I believe that is the key to a fulfilling life.
Your soul chooses the direction.
Your brain helps you get there.
~
As a coach, I help you listen to your soul and turn your brain into an ally.
Want to try it?
Sign up for your first session. One hour, just for you.
We’ll unwind all the beautiful voices in your head. I’ll support you in finding your truth and your direction. And I’ll help you find ways to honor your desires and needs, instead of always putting them on the back burner.
Imagine a soulful life…where the bills still get paid.