What New Rules Should We Live By?
Jailbreak. Photo by Quinn Corte, 2025.
We’re constantly watching each other.
We scan for signals in other people’s responses. Am I safe? Am I loved? Do they approve?
We notice how other people act and talk, and unconsciously turn those cues into rules to live by. What’s right or wrong. Worthy or unworthy. Acceptable or unacceptable.
As adults, we crave approval—often contorting and suppressing our natural urges in order to be accepted by the pack. And as children and teenagers, this tendency skyrockets. Young people notice everything and make it personal. They see how their parents, elders, and friends act—and imbibe it as The Way Things Are Done.
Culture teaches young people to prize thinness, income, status, beauty, charisma, and work ethic as markers of value. By being students and employees and sons and daughters and consumers, young people learn to rush, grind, hoard, please, hide, compare, isolate, perform, and conform.
Sometimes these rules come from outdated, ingrained ways of protecting each other. If you’re a woman, think of all the messages you received from your grandmothers - like “your skirt is too short” or “don’t make a scene” or “help your mother.” The directives to be modest, quiet, and useful were passed down from an era when our survival was tied to how marriageable we were. (It wasn’t that long ago.)
And sometimes these rules come from a more manipulative place. Powerful corporations and groups are invested in making us believe stories about our inadequacy, and they target young people the most. Advertising and media normalize made-up narratives about what the ideal woman looks like, how much money a successful man makes, and what trajectory our careers and relationships should follow. Make no mistake: people profit when we buy into these rules.
I don’t know about you, but I’m fed up with this shit. Younger generations deserve new models, new priorities, new rules to live by. And I want to do my part. Not just by imagining how things could be different, but by living differently now.
Instead of going about business as usual, let’s question why we do the things we do. Who benefits when I uphold the status quo? And who benefits when I model how to be original, question authority, and live differently? By asking these questions, we slowly chip away at an oppressive culture.
When I overload my schedule and glorify the grind, it signals that overcommitting is desirable. And when others see me enjoying swaths of unscheduled time, I become an example of what's possible when you're discerning with your energy.
Everything we do casts a vote; sends a message.
I don’t say this to put more pressure on you. Lordy, please don’t take this as another reason to be vigilant or self-critical.
I share this to empower you. You’re not just a cog in the machine. You have power to contribute to a new world order in the throes of your busy life. What you do, how you show up, and the small shifts you make—they matter.
I also share this to liberate you. With everything going on, I often don’t feel motivated to make changes. Even if a change might make me feel better, it’s much easier to stay on my well-trodden path. But when I see my actions as part of a collective revolution, it makes me bolder. I charge a higher rate because I believe everyone should be valued and resourced. I get off my phone and into the woods because I believe in trees over screens. Whenever I resist changing habits, I check in about my vision for the world and try to stop being such a good girl.
Let's blaze trails and flip tables.
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Reflection prompts:
What ingrained rule keeps you from feeling free?
Where did you learn that rule?
What fear (real or imagined) is triggered when you think of defying this rule?
How do you follow and model this rule with your behavior?
What would be possible if you broke this rule?
What new rule do you want to write, and how can you shift your behavior to model it?
Examples:
Old Rule: It’s not acceptable to rest.
Modeling Behavior: Using words like “lazy” when I’m depleted.
New Rule: Rest is non-negotiable and loving.
Modeling Behavior: Choosing pleasurable recovery time over my to-do list.
Old Rule: I should never be satisfied with the way I look.
Modeling Behavior: Criticizing my appearance out loud.
New Rule: I love myself, therefore I love the way I look.
Modeling Behavior: Admiring my appearance out loud.
Old Rule: Work is supposed to suck.
Modeling Behavior: Staying in a toxic job when I have other options.
New Rule: Work can feel good.
Modeling Behavior: Prioritizing my wellbeing, impact, and asking for a raise.
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When we model behaviors that feed harmful rules, we not only influence our children and peers. We also feed the patriarchal-capitalist-white-supremacist monster that wants us all to stay in line, grind harder, remain unsatisfied, and feel unworthy.
Instead, we can simply notice the ways we’re enabling bullshit rules and gently challenge ourselves to show up differently. Trust me, people will notice. Especially young people.
Let them take notes.
